Alas Mr Mutch …

Lindsay Mutch. Poet, writer, journo, clever bastard.

Lindsay Mutch, a great booster for Super Awesome Mega Battle Tank, died on Monday, June 28, at Wellington Hospital. I had dropped him off a couple of hours earlier after what he thought was a chest infection proved to be something much worse. He suffered a fatal heart attack in the hospital, though he was chatting to the nurses while he was being seen to. He always did like the ladies …

Anyway, Lindsay went out of his way to promote SAMBT. I think his critical faculties always got suspended for his mates, which was the sort of person he was.

He also helped out with some props, such as the one visible behind Alex and Cormac during the Rusty Trombone flashback.

This is the text that he did with the smaller story, Space Patrol investigates catering IQ shocker to make up the space. He banged it out in about five mintues. Lindsay was a funny, generous guy who was a great writer as well. His loss is so rottenly sad.

Space Patrol investigates catering IQ shocker.

Unnamed sources in Kiwi Space Patrol have revealed a secret probe into how a catering crew with “the combined IQ of a mentally-challenged brick” came to be in charge of one of its battle tanks.

“The worst thing is, they’re still out there,” the KSP official said.

It is believed one of the crew only passed his microwave oven operation test on the fifteenth attempt. The test involved the heating of a meat pie. Allegedly it was not until the sixth try that the trainee managed to get the oven’s door open.

“Oh yes, I remember him,” said cuisine tutor Dep Freud, “he kept pawing at the microwave like he’d never seen one before. It became less like trying to teach him to cook and more like trying to train a monkey.

“In fact, at one point, we called NASA officials to get some tips from their chimp handlers from the 1960s.

“On learning they had actually taught chimps to pilot spacecraft we seriously considered replacing this particular catering crew with apes. Sadly most of NASA’s apes had long died of old age, and those still alive demanded more money than we’re actually paying the crew in question.”

Rumours at the Farquiddity Base suggest one of the crew needs to be slapped on the back of the head just to get his brain operating enough to perform simple tasks.

The alleged investigation will endeavour to uncover how such incompetent simpletons managed to get into the corps in the first place.

No answers yet.

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